Falling into Place

I wrote a lengthy post over on my Substack. I  try to do a long-form essay there every Wednesday. This one is on how easy it is to become rigid, fixed into place, and stop learning new things. Or, alternatively, how change is hard because it requires learning new things. 

I am, myself, fighting a small bout with Imposter Syndrome. This is not new. For me, it's almost ho-hum routine, I just don't talk about it often. 

For reasons, I usually feel out of place and awkward. I'm very uncomfortable going anywhere without an invitation, and I'm prone to wondering if they actually wanted me, or if it was just polite and can I edge along the wall and out the door now...? 

It's easier to remain unseen. 

It's frightening to have someone really see you. It's also exhilarating and validating. 

Every time I think I know something, I remind myself that I don't. Not really. Someone knows it better than I do. I'm not that confident. 

I just sound that way in text. 

I'm no expert. I have a lot to learn. So much! I'll never stop learning, therefore I'll always be an imposter and intruder. 

That's my place, right there. The spot outside the room, where it's dark and quiet and no-one's looking at me.