Fatigue and the Ability to Cognate
Really, that ought to be fatigue and it's connection to cognition. Cognate also means connect, or to relate, and well, I'm tired. I can't connect my words to their proper definitions at the moment. Tiredness also strips you of your ability to connect or relate to others, so I'm leaving the title to stand.
It's a well-known phenomena that fatigue, especially when it becomes exhaustion, leads to the inability to make decisions. Good or bad, you just can't think through the mental fog and reach any kind of conclusion, and left long enough, you drift in limbo. The world, however, does no such thing. I've covered this before on the blog, because it's an ongoing struggle for me, and one that I have endured weaponized against me, so I know whereof I speak all too well. Sleeplessness isn't just a minor inconvenience for the next day at work on insufficient rest. It can seriously impair the brain and lead to psychosis and even death. Little things like brain lesions appear after days of no sleep. So while toddlers may fight naps, and adults embrace them, insomnia and chronic undersleeping are very bad things for everyone.
Beyond the poor decision making, though, fatigue also makes it difficult to interact with others meaningfully. I'd commented on yesterday's blog that sometimes I don't respond to comments not just because I don't have anything worthy of adding to someone's point, but because I can't formulate a well-thought-out response. I'm tired, and the brain is busted and I just can't even. Rather than risk saying something stupid, or at least vapid, I refrain from saying anything at all. It's a variant on my mother's oft-repeated mantra 'if you can't say anything nice, don't say anything at all.'
I'll admit freely that when I'm in a bad way, I retreat from social interactions. Which includes the blog, but also social media. In-person social interaction? Um. You do realize that outside the rare con, I don't get to have in-person social things? It's lonely, sometimes, but mostly I have my husband and kids and that's enough. And even they get the short end of the stick when I'm worn to the bone. Anyway, it's both a protective measure - I am vulnerable and tender when I'm like this - and a protecting gesture. Since I have a lot of filters. Some people talk about having no filters. I'm the other way around, I'm swaddled in them. I don't want to appear in public naked, anymore than I want to be on the internet in a state of sleep-deprivation that nears intoxication.
I can't always get enough sleep. There are times I have to put my shoulder into the day's work and push, and keep pushing long past the point of needing to stop and rest a while. Fatigue is part of life. But learning how to cope with that state is an important skill. It's easy to say 'just get more sleep' but it's hard to actually fulfill that goal. In the meantime, less cognate, more self-control over the words one puts in public. Life isn't ideal. Sometimes you have to take it as it is, real and painful. Plan for the difficult times, and when they come you'll be in a better place after they pass by.
So get more sleep if you can. If you can't right now, cut out unnecessary drains on your energies. If you can't articulate, don't. Me? I've got work to do, and miles to go before I sleep.