Full-time Writer

A long time to a big leap of faith

First of all, I’m pretty pleased with myself. This last week I finally clicked into a working routine. I feel very happy with my level of productivity, with what I’ve been creating, and… I keep waiting for the other shoe to drop. I’ve spent so many years worried about everything, everyone, and anything I might have forgotten needed to be worried about, that it’s worn a groove in my brain (yeah, yeah, I know one comes built-in). I’m working at wrapping my head around the new reality of I can be happy and I can write what I want and as long as I want, in fact, I need to write more than that. Writing is my day job, as is art, and graphic design, and oh yeah, don’t forget your bookkeeping, Cedar.

It’s not easy to re-train your brain. It isn’t something that can be done in a minute, or even a month. After the first week of using my studio as ‘going to work’ and shutting the door so I could focus quietly on the story flowing from my fingers, I know there will be hiccups and obstacles along the way in the next year as we see how well this experiment plays out. I also know because I’m writing it down to come back and look at it later, how euphoric it feels to have days of productivity that culminate in ‘the book is done!’ and then know that I’m ready to do it all over again. I can plan to rest, and actually learn how to relax. I can stagger tasks so I’m not burning out on any one thing. I can be prodigiously productive without feeling guilty about it. This is good, and it feels great, and I am happy.

Don’t get me wrong, this isn’t easy, and it’s not like this was a fast process. I’ve been working at writing since 2010. It took me fifteen years to be in a position where I could step off the diving board and know there was enough in the pool I’d been filling slowly to mean I can splash, sink a little, and come up paddling as fast as possible rather than smacking concrete at the bottom of this jump. I know there will be days the well will run dry and I’ll be staring at a blinking cursor with an empty head. I have skills, developed over all these years, to get past those times. Heck, I can type, which is not something I could do without looking at my hands fifteen years ago. Small things, add up to big things.

Thirteen novels. I don’t recall how many short stories, novellas, collections, and other things - several dozen. After this month, though, there will be thirteen novels. I’ve finished Supporting Ragnarok, the book my husband and I started work on back in 2019.

Supporting Ragnarok is done, and with plenty of time for the editor to finish with it, at least one beta reader who has it to give me feedback, and revisions to be made. This was an ambitious project, but I think we did a good job on this book, and I am very excited to see what my readers think of it. It’s a weird feeling, to have a hollow space where there was a book in me, and now it’s outta there!

I’m already contemplating what’s next. Next will be a couple of days next week writing a short story to cleanse my palate for the work I’ll start on for June. Paid subscribers should keep their eyes open for that on Tuesday evening. I’m also working on some fun art for clients. Now that I’m in the studio every day, I’ll get set up for some original art, and as my husband pointed out, that means it’s going to be time to set the webstore back up so I can offer work for sale there, because I’m a professional whosiwhatsit now!

I’m going to do this for a living, and I’m not going to worry about it.

I’m just going to be happy.