No, not mine. I'm good, inside. Outside, I could stand to lose a little weight, but that's another tale. No, the inner anguish I'm dealing with right now is my hero, Lom. He's facing something that means his life is over, as he knew it. He will no longer be the protector, the supporter, the strong man who can carry it all on his shoulders. It's breaking him, and not just a little.
This is hard to write. First of all, because I'm normally a nice person, and I hate hurting others. Even fictional characters who only really live in my head. But in my heart Lom and Bella are real, and they aren't happy right now. I am torn between telling the story, and trying to make it right.
Secondly, it's hard to write because this is all happening in his head. I don't want him to come across as whiny, he's not. Or as angst, as that isn't it, either. He's simply broken, and that, my friends, is really hard to write. I'm hoping I'm making it work. My First Reader told me last night after reading through the nearly five thousand words I wrote yesterday that it was resonating with him, as a man and one who has been in similar situations. He also told me writers are crazy, but I hear that all the time from him, so I didn't mind it.
I'm not going to break Lom down to the point where there is no return. I can't and won't write a story with no hope. But he might not see that for a while, and it makes me as an author feel like I'm wielding a whip and chains. I need to find some dark humor and write it in, we both need it today.
Oh, and it's snowing outside, so I'm going to hole up in our snug little house and write lots again today!