Meat-Onna-Stick: How To

I can't really call it a recipe, because there ain't one, is they? You starts wi' meat, put it onna stick, and profit. 

For my friends who share a mutual affection for Sir Pterry's work, you'll understand my amusement and nonsense that led up to this post. For those of you who haven't yet experienced that peculiar delight, I highly recommend you start with Thud! (It's my favorite) or maybe Going Postal, or Guards! Guards! and yes, I know it's a big series, but you don't have to come into it at the first book. In fact, I recommend you don't. So! On to the, erm, recipe, as it were. 

I know readers hate scrolling to find the recipe, so here it is. 

2 1/2 lbs of meat, minced fine, or ground. You wants red meat. Blue, or green, that don't sell well unless you got some exotic customers like Trolls or such. Red cooked brown, black, or grey, thats what sells. Nobody asks where you gots the meat, ennyway. 

4 tablespoons minced or paste garlic. Lots'o garlic helps the customer's breath. More is better if'n your in the wrong district. 

1 tablespoon Keema or Seekh seasoning. More if you don' mind dragon breath customers. 

Big handful, or like a quarter cup, o' mint leaves chopped real fine. 

An egg. Don' ask about the egg. Just don't use dragon? 

Usin' both hands, squish all the ingredients around in a bowl until they are real well mixed. Squishy, squishy! 

Take a handful of your seasoned meat and hold it in one hand. Take a stick in the other hand. Squeeze the meat around the stick, be firm with it. You want it to stay there whilst cooking. Oh - and soak your sticks in water a few hours beforehand, or they'll burn when you put 'em on the grill. 

Meat Onna Stick

Getcher grill nice'n hot. Ignore those vegetabnles inna background. Everyone knows you can't sell veg. 

Put the skewers on the grill, an' turn 'em after a couple of minutes, until they look done. Or black. Whichever. 

Now you're cookin'! Customers'll line up for your meat onna stick. Only problem is the cutthroat pricing. *Grumbles* 

Cedar Here

Let me tell you right now that cooking with Dibbler's voice in my head is a highly silly experience. I do recommend Veg, and some rice, and tzatziki sauce and pita bread if you are going to prepare your meat onna stick for a family feast. 

Yes, Meat Onna Stick does have a certain unfortunate resemblance. We don't talk about that. 

Shown with Little Man approximately the size of Captain Carrot for scale.