Generally speaking, I'm pretty sure I'm Lawful Good. I was raised to be a good girl, and even now I follow rules and stay within laws as best I can - figuring, of course, that there are an awful lot of them and I don't always know what they are. I've mentioned before, I think, about the story I'm writing titled Ten Pigeons, which was born out of a federal law that you cannot import more than ten pigeons a week, unless they are from Mexico. Yeah. We have some very odd laws on the books in our country. I follow a twitter feed called Crime a Day that shares some of the more absurd. That's about the only thing I go look at Twitter for, because it's funny.
But I was having a conversation about rules with my coworkers, which was one of those fun conversations that started out talking about drying one's hair in the car vents on the way to work, and I mentioned that I knew of a rule where girls were not allowed to be in public places with wet hair. To set the scene, this is taking place on the campus of a very conservative Christian college (I won't name it, it's not one I attended but it's by no means the most weird rule), where most of the women were encouraged, if not required (by their sect, I should be clear, not the school) to have long hair. As someone cocked their head and asked 'why is that even a rule? Wet hair? What?' I was reminded of the Christian college I'd attended. There were a lot of rules. Most of the time, as someone who grew up in a law-abiding household with gentle boundaries on behavior, I didn't think too much about the rules in my life. Sure, I argued and won the case for allowing girls on sledding trips to be allowed to wear pants instead of skirts even though it was a church event and we weren't supposed to. But most of the time I ran around in skirts because it was the thing to do. Heck, I've ridden ponies (astride. Never have been in a sidesaddle although they look cool) and bikes in long skirts. That's just when you gird up your loins and make sure it doesn't fall into the bike chain.
But one of the single stupidest things I have ever heard a supposedly grown man with a doctorate say was what the Dean of my college said during a whole-school assembly. Now, keep in mind this is a small school. There were about 300 students during my year there. And yes, many of the girls were openly there to get their MRS degree. I wasn't, but I did it anyway. I digress... There had been some grumbling about rules, since some of the rules on campus were plainly silly - for instance, the groundskeeper got in trouble for being seen holding hands on campus with a woman. Now, mind you, they had been married for 20 years. But it might have set a bad example regarding PDA for the students. Me? I was part of the group pointing out dryly that it might be a grand example of what to look for in a marriage, that after 20 years you still want to hold hands. That, among other things, led to the Dean standing up there telling us, mostly still teens or very-early twenties, that some of the rules at the school existed just to teach us how to follow rules.
Um.
Wut?
Dude. You don't tell a student body that unless you want to inculcate all the wrong feelings about your rules.
It's been more than twenty years since he said that, and I can still feel how my jaw dropped at the time, and my sensations regarding his pronouncement have not changed. I'd never say that to my kids. Not now, not when they were toddlers. Rules for rules sakes just lead to all the rules being suspect. Why bother following the rules when some of them mean nothing?
Sure, when my kids were very small, I'd tell them not to do something, and when they asked why 'Because I said so' them. "Why can't I jump on my bed?" I look up from putting a butterfly bandage on a small scalp. "Because I said so." Until they reach the age of reason (which is different for every kid) that's sufficient. Young adults, on the other hand? I'm going to sit down and have a conversation with them. Help them understand why I'm saying no. I just had this exchange with the Little Man via email...
"Dear mother,
It has come to my attention that you have doubts about the dog and a cat but I believe that if the dog sees the love we give a cat especially [The First Reader]'s love then she will learn to leave it alone. [includes link to free kittens on Craigslist]"
"Dear Son,
I deeply appreciate your efforts with this note. The spelling, the composition... what can I say? Very well written.
You don't have to persuade me about a cat, I miss having one. But my fear is that the dog would not behave well, and that would leave us angry with her for just following her instincts, and broken-hearted over the death of a small creature we were responsible for.
Love,
your Mother."
I really do appreciate his persistence. He's been wanting a kitten since he went to his grandfather's house and got to spend time with the kitten (and cats) who live there. I'd like a cat, too. But...
It's not the same to make a rule that you can't hold hands with your wife because you might be inciting the unmarried students to PDA. Or to make a rule that bedtime must be strictly observed... by college students? Really? There were a lot of others, but those are the ones I remember vividly. And the thing I learned at that school, mostly? How to be a rulebreaker. Sometimes you have to be one. Sometimes the rules mean nothing. I'm pretty sure that wasn't what the Dean had in mind with his bombastic pronouncement. I am dead certain it's the message the vast majority in the audience came away with.