'Tis the season when the sap rises, flowers bloom, and this woman's thoughts turn to the state of the house. In my case 'AAAAHHHH!11!! I can't find anything!' is a good summary of those thoughts.
Today, then, was the start of spring cleaning. Rather than turn the entire house inside-out over the course of a weekend, my plan is to do a room or two at a time, as I can, and this is likely to drift into summer. I'd like to do the garage as well, you see. Making sense of my surroundings helps me feel less overwhelmed, but also, making a big mess trying to make that sense is overwhelming. I'm seeking a happy medium. My poor patient First Reader got dragged into it as well, today, as much as he did not want.
He was standing there in the living room, edging towards the door. "Why don't you ask a friend to come over and help you?" he asked when I wanted his opinion. "I'm sure that would be better than me..."
But he lives here, too! And once I made it clear I really did want his input, he started to point out things that he'd like, as well as what I was suggesting. I pushed furniture around, centered the thing he decided was off kilter, and we were both happier for it. I do think he's wary of this, having had too many women dismiss him, ignore him, and scold him when he didn't say what they wanted to hear. I also know I don't want to let him just duck out quietly and then be miserable when it's not the way he'd like it to be.
Compromise is an art. Making both of us figure out what we want, then working together to blend those wants into a reality, that's what helps a marriage endure. We're ten years, shy a month, of living together in peaceful contentment, and I'd like that trend to last. I try to pay attention to him, to his patterns, to any tensions (is he tripping over a chair and grumbling? Where is he leaving his cups in the morning and can I make it easier for him to leave them nearer the sink?), and to the offhand comments that indicate there's a way I can make his life easier. I know from past experience he does the same thing for me. It's nothing big. But that means we don't have big things we've got to work through, when we can take care of them while small things.
Periodically I feel the need to shift the nest around, fluff it up, and see if it flows better with a new pattern. He puts up with that, and sometimes says that it is working better. Sometimes he asks if I can please put it back the way it was! I don't let him get away with not knowing where things are, and having a masking tape dispenser with sharpie living on the kitchen counter makes it really easy to label all the things so he can see what they are at a glance.
If this isn't domestic bliss, I don't know what is. Now, I need to putter into the kitchen and serve up dinner, as the tortilla soup should be ready. It certainly smells good enough to eat now.