A random conversation the other day kicked this line of thought into motion. Twenty years ago, I was...
Mothering a toddler, a baby, and pregnant. I was on the brink of twenty-five, and I was exhausted and a mess. We would wind up moving during that pregnancy, just about a month before she was born. Twenty years ago today we were on the verge of losing our home and I was desperate. It was about this time I was going through the couch cushions trying to scrape together enough for a gallon of milk for the babies. I couldn't work, and he wouldn't. Lean times, and bleak. If I could go back in time and tell past me what future me knows? I don't think I could do it. She still had a long way to walk through the Valley of Shadows.
Makes me think. Would we take the future version of ourself seriously? Looking back, there are times I tried to get out of that mess and failed for reasons both internal and external. However, it shaped me into who and what I am today. Would I choose to do it again? I don't think I could. There was a lot of horror and pain in those years. On the other hand, there were some amazing little human beings who are now grown strong and independent. Can I face it for them, if not me?
Unanswerable questions, all. I know that I was joking about being too old for this twenty years ago (this being a generic random daily event) but when I stopped and really thought about it... I have more energy now than I did then. I've got more confidence, for certain. I have more knowledge, education, and am better prepared for what I do in life. Am I too old? Nah. Not yet. Ask me again in twenty years.