Regaining Balance and Proportion when Life isn't going to your Plan
Cedar, there is only one bit of untruth that I see here:
"I’m not pretty inside or out."
Both blatantly false. You are a lovely lady, body and soul. You may not think you are, sometimes. Lord knows I think the same of myself. It's easy to focus on the flaws when we turn our attention to ourselves. When we do that, though, we're missing the forest for the trees. Trust those of us who appreciate you when we tell you how wonderful you really are.
Love this piece Cedar! I was a bit shocked that you might question who you are. I see an amazing, wise, strong and multi-talented woman who accomplishes more in a day than I do in years! It may be harder for you to see that or think of that as your identity, but regardless of your own recognition, we already see who you are, and I, for one, admire that person immensely. I'd vote for the title 'Renaissance Woman"!
Great post! I wouldn't call it a "crisis" so much as simply a transition to a new chapter of life. I'm just exiting the phase you described, where things aren't so clear and you're not sure who you are. For me the wobbliness happened after I retired. Divorce put me even more off-kilter. Covid was the icing on the "crisis" cake. In just the past few months I have finally felt like "myself" again. But it's not the same me... it's a new me. And I was prepared for this moment BY the wobbles. I'm convinced that I couldn't have gotten here any other way. Thank you for sharing your story, Cedar, and for reminding me about the meaning of my own journey. :)
I don't know what you want to be but what you are is very creative. I think you will continue to inspire us with your words and your art.
Repairs may, or may not be pretty, beautiful. It's nice, sometimes grand, if they are but if they simply allow the item to be useful, to perform it's original function, no room for complaint.
Appreciate kintsugi (金継ぎ), but also wabi-sabi (侘寂), transience and in perfection, part of art, part of life.